| heartbroken.
probably won't be on here for a long time.
add my myspace.
http://www.myspace.com/celebrator__devastator
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| I am so incredibly happy right now, I can't even write down what is going on. I'm so confused and excited and surprised. I know I really shouldn't be trusting him so much, after everything he's done...but this time feels different. Today was amazing. 15 wonderful hours together. And he is the first person I kissed since I turned 19...I wouldn't have it any other way. I just hope I don't end up regretting this. I know there's a good chance that I will, but I don't even wanna think about that right now. I want things to go back to how they were before everything got destroyed.
Anyways, I'll probably post in more detail tomorrow night. I also have a pretty good topic I've been thinking of writing about...it should initiate some interesting conversations.
Sorry for the shitty entry. Next one will be much much better, I swear.
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| It is the most annoying fucking thing in the world to get blamed for something you didn't do.
So a few minutes ago, my oldest brother, who is a really uptight religious person, signs on to his xbox360 in the living room. He checks his recently downloaded activity and there, for everyone to see, it shows that someone had rented a really inappropriate movie the previous evening. Not like porn or anything, but it was rated r and was bound to have at least a few "undesirable" scenes. Who do you think gets blamed for this?
I do. The girl who wasn't even home last night. I was like, "What, you can't possibly think it was me?" and he looks me right in the eye and says "Yeah. Who else would've done it?!"
Oh, I dunno. Maybe our other alcoholic brother who is the only other person who lives here and knows how to rent movies from xbox live...or the friend he had stay the night last night! But no, lets blame me. Even though I have a fucking laptop in my own private bedroom and could most certainly look up inappropriate movies to watch on my own personal netflix account. Either that or just straight up search for porn and nobody would ever find out. But nooo...why should I do that when I can go into the living room (which is the room directly outside of my oldest religious brother and his wife's room...they could catch me at any time) and rent a movie on an xbox that isn't mine in the first place and pay for it with credits that arent mine either? How stupid would I be to do that? Even if I did, I would be smart enough to cover up the evidence...I'd at least erase the thing that says what movie was downloaded.
If they really think I did it, they must think I'm a pretty big idiot. And it sucks, because there's no way to really find out who did it, because everyone is denying it. Until someone else admits that they did it, my brother will still think it was me.
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| Today's Goal:
Fuck a complete stranger.
Which shouldn't be too difficult to accomplish, since I'm going to a concert tonight and there will be thousands of guys there. At least one will probably not object, right?
I'm tired of having sex and there being so much emotion attached to it. For once, I wanna do it with someone that I will probably never see again in my life. I wanna fuck someone that I don't care about at all. I don't even want their phone number afterwards or anything.
Ha. God, I'm a slut.
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| you are a fucking cancer.
and i will never understand why you're so set
on destroying everything you touch.
fuck you and your words.
i'm just going to pretend i don't give a shit about you.
but really, you're the only one i care about.
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